My parents almost drilled in my
sister and myself that boys and girls are equal and that there is no difference
between a son and a daughter. This was almost groundbreaking in a country,
which is known for its preference of boys over girls. I never doubted it and
passionately believed that I had as much a chance to realize my dreams as our neighbor’s
son.
Unfortunately, I never ever repeat
the same to our daughter. As a policy I don’t ever (not even casually) give an
impression to my daughter that she is equal or better than boys. She is our
only child so clearly the daughter has the best of what we can offer but the
world outside is strikingly different and I would want her to be prepared for
it.
Were my parent’s wrong in instilling
equality of sexes in me? I would say that they were not wrong but they didn’t
show me the other side of the picture. The world I encountered as an adult
didn’t offer equal opportunities to boys and girls and I don’t want our
daughter to grow up with any misconceptions.
I didn’t have much choice but to get
married by the age of 25 years (as is the norm in India) and drop my fledgling
career to join my husband in a tier B city. I was depressed for quiet some
time. Was it a case of equal opportunity? No, definitely not.
Further it was imbibed in us that
girls have to be economically independent and that is the only path to
empowerment. What I was not told was that I was expected to change my
priorities after marriage; that social norms dictate that I should always put
personal life before my professional life.
The imbalance was even more apparent
in professional life. While my male colleagues were judged only on the basis of
their work, the female janta had to explain who would look after their kids,
once they were promoted. Interview after interview I was asked whether I was
married and how I will balance family and work, as if it was just my
prerogative.
Don’t get me wrong. I am exceedingly
lucky to have a very understanding husband and in-laws. I was never really
questioned and almost always given the option of taking my own decisions. Most
member of my sex in India cannot claim this.
But I wonder about the society in
general and hardly see any sign of equality. Why then should I not prepare our
daughter for reality? Why should I give her the impression that the world and
life is fair?
Today’s India is definitely skewed in favor of men or
boys. Why not grow up facing the reality that girls and boys are in fact
different and society has different expectations from both. Should we strive
for equality? Yes of course. But till then it might be better to avoid bringing
up our girls with an illusion that the society offers equal platform for both
because it simply doesn’t.
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