End of innocence?

Today, as my nine year old passed a mirror, she retreated a step backwards, smiled at her reflection, threw back her hair and then went her way. I felt a knot forming in my stomach. For the first time today I faced upto the fact which I was trying hard not to accept: my daughter is on the threshold of preadolesence. Already? I wanted to scream.

I had been noticing the change for some time but not accepting them. She is more argumentative, more questioning, is not willing to take anything at face value, tries to take her own decisions. Phew! basically I know I can no longer treat her like a child.

I know I should be thrilled to see my daughter grow but it also makes me sad, almost melancholic. I am sad, excited and anxious at the same time. I look back with nostalgia and look ahead with trepidation. It is the beginning of the end of innocence.

Wasn't it just yesterday when I held her as a new born baby, it wasnt too long back when we did fingerpainting; danced together on Kaanta Laga remix (she loved the song and use to pronouce it as taanta laala).

Few years from now she would be able to see my fallacies, my shortcomings...will know that I am not as perfect as she thinks me to be; I wont be this superhuman person I am right now in her mind. I can almost feel her hand slipping out of mine...She might question my decisions; might not have confidence in me....Believe me, it gives me goosebumps. On the hindsight, we might be able to have meaningful conversations, share our lives and get even more connected. 

The thought that she might not need me at all is scary; from being the center of her life, I might be relegated to the periphery. Wonder if I am upto it?