I have a great job (ok it can be better but mostly it is fine), a very
supportive husband and a lovely kid. Even so sometimes I feel a huge emptiness
which I am unable to describe or fathom. I want something more but I am unable
to put a finger on what exactly that `more' is. Because of this I sometimes end
of resenting my job or family when the real reason is something else.
My sister laughingly tells me that it is high time I defined this "more" because time might be running out. She was joking but she is right. I am going to be 40 next year so I better figure out what "more" to do with my life.
I am told this is what mid-life crisis is all about. Sometimes I get a very strong "is this it?" feeling. Is this all that my life is going to be about? Have you ever felt like this? Since my friends are also going through something like this I feel that it can be age related. I am told this is nothing but modern day angst. How do you change that or fight that? Everytime I start thinking on these lines, I end up going back to my novel. It has become one thing which can be that "more".
Sometimes I feel that maybe I have failed in life, maybe I am not in the right profession to be bored at this age when I do have at least 21 years of professional life ahead (if all goes well!!). Somebody I know recently told me that maybe I need a career change. But the question is if not journalism then what? Am not sure but maybe I need to do some management or editorial course to charge up myself.
Since the time I started my professional journey my self-motivation and zest have been more or less my USP. I am unable to go ahead if I am not motivated enough. Now at this juncture in life, this motivation threatens to desert me. Maybe it is time for change. A change of attitude might be more helpful than the change of profession...says my logical mind...
My sister laughingly tells me that it is high time I defined this "more" because time might be running out. She was joking but she is right. I am going to be 40 next year so I better figure out what "more" to do with my life.
I am told this is what mid-life crisis is all about. Sometimes I get a very strong "is this it?" feeling. Is this all that my life is going to be about? Have you ever felt like this? Since my friends are also going through something like this I feel that it can be age related. I am told this is nothing but modern day angst. How do you change that or fight that? Everytime I start thinking on these lines, I end up going back to my novel. It has become one thing which can be that "more".
Sometimes I feel that maybe I have failed in life, maybe I am not in the right profession to be bored at this age when I do have at least 21 years of professional life ahead (if all goes well!!). Somebody I know recently told me that maybe I need a career change. But the question is if not journalism then what? Am not sure but maybe I need to do some management or editorial course to charge up myself.
Since the time I started my professional journey my self-motivation and zest have been more or less my USP. I am unable to go ahead if I am not motivated enough. Now at this juncture in life, this motivation threatens to desert me. Maybe it is time for change. A change of attitude might be more helpful than the change of profession...says my logical mind...
2 comments:
Why is Mid-life Crisis discussed more in some cultures than in others. Some cultures don't even have a concept of a midlife crisis.
In our case, biggest change that comes in midlife is having closer relationships with people both older and younger ie caring for not only the kids but also for our ageing parents.
It is our addiction to running that forces us to choose a new Finishing Line again and again. New goals (management course, writing a novel etc) are nothing but fancy variations of our original goals set by us for ourselves during our early years and are aligned with our core values.
Therefore, relax. Don't run after a mirage...
धूप में निकलो, घटाओं में नहा कर देखो ज़िन्दगी क्या है, किताबों को हटा कर देखो.
Thanks for the note Anonymous...you seem to be more experienced than I am. Will try to follow your advice of not running after a mirage. But it is weird not to have a goal in life...in fact I cannot imagine it. Our goals are in most cases also our dreams or a journey towards our dreams...and how do you live without a dream?
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