I had this tendency of scared of being happy. I am not sure if everybody has it but I tended to look for things which are not perfect when everything apparently really seems to be going on well. This meant that I was never really able to enjoy the moment. I was always thinking of what could and what might go wrong. So yes, I was always thinking negative, how if I do this that negative thing will happen. I might have been an over cautious mother because of this. I was paranoid.
Then what I had been struggling so hard to avoid eventually did happen. Everything that could possibly go wrong did. It was during this time that I stopped looking for things to go wrong and started looking for things which gave me happiness. Everything was so horribly wrong that I looked for a proverbial silver lining, something which would reduce the depression. I have learnt the hard way that the only way to live is to live in the moment.
I am writing this because I now realise the error of always waiting for things to go wrong. I have been struggling with this post for some time now. I felt that something needs to be said about the current happy state. The blissful state needs to be acknowledged. But at the same time was scared to write about it (the thinking being something might go wrong if I write about it). I don't know what the future holds and frankly don't much care. I cannot change it anyway.
It is for this reason that I have stopped visiting the astrologers, numerologist etc. When the going got tough, I did start visiting the astrologers. Some might argue that I have stopped going because I am in a happy corner in life. Maybe. I don't know. What I do know is that I am much more confident about facing life than I was. To put it crudely, life served me lemons and it took me sometime to get the recipe of lemonade right. :).
So as I keep telling my kiddo before her exam/test do your best and leave the rest.
Then what I had been struggling so hard to avoid eventually did happen. Everything that could possibly go wrong did. It was during this time that I stopped looking for things to go wrong and started looking for things which gave me happiness. Everything was so horribly wrong that I looked for a proverbial silver lining, something which would reduce the depression. I have learnt the hard way that the only way to live is to live in the moment.
I am writing this because I now realise the error of always waiting for things to go wrong. I have been struggling with this post for some time now. I felt that something needs to be said about the current happy state. The blissful state needs to be acknowledged. But at the same time was scared to write about it (the thinking being something might go wrong if I write about it). I don't know what the future holds and frankly don't much care. I cannot change it anyway.
It is for this reason that I have stopped visiting the astrologers, numerologist etc. When the going got tough, I did start visiting the astrologers. Some might argue that I have stopped going because I am in a happy corner in life. Maybe. I don't know. What I do know is that I am much more confident about facing life than I was. To put it crudely, life served me lemons and it took me sometime to get the recipe of lemonade right. :).
So as I keep telling my kiddo before her exam/test do your best and leave the rest.
No comments:
Post a Comment